Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Once again, I learn to never let my fences down....

"Don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
~I'm not that girl, Wicked~
(Second Post, I know)

I said bye.  That's the second time in one month.  I think there is something wrong with me.

I don't know why either.  I listened to them.  I spoke to them.  I shared some of my fears, and some of my hopes.  My emotions, my dreams(literally), and my time.

And it was amazing.

But I went, and did it again.  I did it all for the one person I could never truly make happy.  Rules make me mad.  I am tired of not having anything in life to offer.  I am sick of not knowing if the person I open up to is ever going to truly open up to me.  And I know you are going to read this.

Please don't feel bad.  I don't blame you.  I don't think you are wrong.  I just need to vent, and this is my venue. I don't want you to feel bad.  I understand where you are coming from.  I understand that your past has given you inhibitions.  I understand.

I'm not mad.  I did it myself. I think to fast, and speak to much.  Then, even though I know I should not, I start to like.  And I lied.  I know, I said a lot that I did not see it like that, but even keeping it in the back of my mind, I did get my hopes up.  I hope that you do not think that I am mad at anyone, or that anything is wrong.  I guess I just thought maybe I was different now.  Especially now that you know I am not all that you that I was.

As long as you smile, I am happy.


You can have my coat anytime.


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