Thursday, March 24, 2011

To the Edgewater Florida School Parents...Explicit.

You selfish, childish, horrible people.

To my friends who aren't aware what is going on....

There is a school in Edgewater Florida, in accommodating a 6 year old, let me say that again, in protecting a SIX YEAR OLD little girl, has come under fire for requiring children in the school to wash their hands and face so as the girl does not risk coming into contact with any nut products. She is living with an allergy to nuts, that you may not know, but children are born with it.  She did not choose this life, or her allergies...

So I see where the parents are coming from, I mean, it is horrible that are children have to wash their hands after they eat. God forbid hygiene be forced. Our kids have the right to never wash themselves if they so chose. Who is this school to tell them they have to be clean...?
But wait, when I went to elementary school, I do recall in certain classes being taught, and made to wash my hands while I was at school. How many people were taught by their schools, not the parents basic hygiene?

How about these parents grow a pair, and quit complaining that the school is taking care of their students, no matter what.  If parents did not pawn their children off on schools 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, children would learn nothing. Parents do not have time, and many do not have the want, to teach their children.  Without these schools, many of your children would be even more stupid than you.  Yupp, I said it, you are stupid for forcing this girl to feel more singled out than she must already live. Horrible.

This 6 year old little girl has been out of school 4 days at the posting of this blog, because these horrible parents have a problem with their children washing their hands!!!! You selfish bastards. This child is missing important days of development, along with a chance for an education because you are mad your children have to wash their hands so this girl does not have to fear for her life, her life, HER LIFE!!!!

I can not understand how grown ass adults can be so horrible to a six year old girl. I know that if I was so hated when I was 6, I would have grown up a lot more fucked up than I already am.  In my own life, if adults and children had been as mean, hurtful, selfish, and childish as the folks of Edgewater Florida, I would have been 100 times more suicidal.  Personally, I feel self esteem is built in these most important early development years, and all that this poor girl is going to see, all that she is going to feel, is contempt and hate from grown ass adults. How do you learn to love yourself, to take care of yourself, when adults chose to show you such horrible sides of human kind so early in life?

It sickens me, that what was once the Greatest Nation on Earth, has fallen so far from what we are built on...

I have one last thing to say to the parents of Edgewater Florida:

You people, you adults, are immature.  You are horrible people.  Here we have an opportunity to protect our children, ALL of them, and at the same time, teach them to care about their friends and peers.  How dare you act so childish. How dare you cause this little girl to miss school. How dare you be so selfish.  Grow the fuck up!

Thank you everyone who is still around reading my blog, I am sorry that I have not had time or motivation to share everything with you guys.  So much has happened, and still is...

...Thank you....


Friday, March 4, 2011

...Since September 2010

I haven't been on here in so long. It is weird to go back and read everything. I felt that this is going to be something that will come and go, but always come again. Blogging is a lifetime thing for me I do believe.

Any who. A lot, and I could never emphasis how much a lot is, but a lot has happened.

I don't know what to say, or where to start, or whether I should even talk about all the old stuff, or just start again with now.


Let me know.


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I am hurting so bad, and I can't even talk about it.

I am constantly fighting a battle with myself, because there are options in my head that I am dying, just for considering them.  But there are things I am not able to handle.  I am trying so hard to be everything I can not.  I am trying so hard....

I am going through a lot of things right now, and I don't want to talk.  I just want to vent, but the outlets I have I can not use, and the people I want to, I can't.

I am so lost.

When do I get to be happy for real?

I love You

Goodnight blog world. I will update on a regular basis again someday....

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

.......To You......

I love you

I guess I just wasn't where you needed me.....

I am sorry


Sunday, July 25, 2010

I Don't Know Where To Begin....

I left everyone hanging, and for that I am sorry.....

So the past month or so has been, an adventure, to say the least.

I have no idea where to begin, as usual, lol, and I want to tell you all some things I have to keep to myself, but I will talk to you as best as I can....

June 22, that was the day that I became a we, and I am loving it.   He makes me smile, even when there is nothing that I want to smile about.  He takes care of me, especially when I need it most, and having him in my bed every night has made my dreams so much better.  I don't know if he knows it, but I try to show him how much I care.  I hope he knows, god, I hope he knows.

I am starting to try and get back on track in life.  I am planning on getting back into school, I have a job that pays me, and I am almost caught up on all my bills(other than student loans).

My boyfriend and I are kind of freaks. We love to have someone else involved with us, which keeps things kind of spicy.  But we are also pretty picky, so we arent just messing around with random people.....we are smart, and safe about it.

Work is kind of crazy. I am sort of tired of where I am, employment wise, but I don't want to quit.  I like the people I work with, and I like having the money to pay my bills.  It just sucks that I am minimum wage, when it is impossible to survive on a job that would pay 10 dollars an hour.  I keep trying to save money to pay for my phone, but it is complicated when you are only bringing in 150 bucks a week, and having to buy your own food, toiletries, pay back bills, and try to help your parents.  I know people think that I should be able to save, but it gets very hard when I can't get ahead a little bit.  I am seriously thinking about getting another job, just so I can make some money to save.  I don't know how I am going to do it in the fall though when I get back into classes.

I am just going to have to take it one step at a time....like I have done all my life.

I know this sounds sooooo repetitive, but I am seriously missing traveling the country, working with exotic animals, trying to raise the awareness and donations for my favorite rescue organization.  I think I have posted a link before, but I am going to again.  I used to work for the GW Exotic Animal Park based in Oklahoma, but I quit to take care of some personal issues, and work out my problems at home.  Well, and I say this a lot, not a day goes by that I don't think about it, and I think about the what if's....It just happens, and I know I shouldn't dwell, but who knows....

I keep thinking about my boyfriend, and I have so much I want to tell everyone about him, and I, but I am starting to keep more to myself for personal reasons, plus I don't trust my current employer not to use something they read in my blog against me, even though it is kind of illegal ish.

I am going to let you guys go for now, but I am going to try and update regularly again.  It has been so complicated

Love You

Wednesday, June 30, 2010



Ok, so I have absolutely no access to the interwebs so my socialite status is falling....and I am dying not being able to blog to all my followers, and not be able to get on Facebook, or Myspace(yeah, yeah, I know), or Formspring.

Any way, Um, I have a boyfriend, and absolutely happy with him
I just got him a gift the other day that I know he loves.

I want to update more, but I am at a friends having some fun, and I can't waste time online...


Friday, June 11, 2010

So a short lil update....ish. lol

I don't know where to begin. So much has been happening, and I can not remember all that has happened since the last post of mine.   I know that I have to write a few more letters, and I have so much to talk about to let you guys know that I am happy.  I just really don't know where to start. Ask me things, I don't know what to say. lol

There is a guy that I am talking to, well, again.
Years ago, even before I had come out of the closet, there was a boy, he went to another school than mine, but some how we met online and talked.  Well, after time went on I developed a monster crush on him.  I can honestly say that he was my first crush.  Unfortunately, as we grew up, and time progressed, we drifted apart, and never talked.
Fast forward to a couple weekends ago, and guess who I see at the bar, WITH MY FRIENDS!!!!
Yupp! Boy! and he was looking fine!
Well, he had a man at the moment, and I kind of played a roll in breaking that up, but in my defense, his boyfriend is a douche, and a bad person, and one of the few people I would go to jail for kicking their ass
We are talking now, but I am fearing a lot of things.  Plus I feel like that I have caught him in a lie already, and my foresight has been giving me glimpses that I am not sure are the future, or just my fears manifesting themselves in my minds eye.  It sucks though, because I am not usually wrong, and this is one of the times I am begging not to be right.

Work has been good, it's a lot of fun with my co-workers, but society as a whole are douche bags. I hate working with people.  God I miss animals.

I wish I could find a better paying job though.  Minimum wage is killing me.  It doesn't help that all I hear from some of my closest friends is how I need to be saving money, but I am not making more than 160 dollars a check.  Maybe if I was making lots of money, I wouldn't have a problem saving and paying off my old bills. I wouldn't be trying to get my school loans deferred, I wouldn't be without a cell phone, I would NOT be living at home. But I do not have the luxury of making a lot of money every check.
Now, I do spend my money, I buy alcohol for myself on the weekends, and a chaser, and pay my way into the bar on the one night we get hit with a cover. I also buy my food, and tip my waitress when we go out.  So when you look at me, like you know better than me, and that I am a child, it pisses me off, because in three nights of all that, it takes most of my money. The rest I spend on the food that feeds me maybe once a day while I am working.  It makes it tough to even think about paying my back bills when I can not even pay for my food all week.

Another rant.

If one more straight person talks to me about their failing relationships, or talk to me about their friends relationships, I might slap the hell out of them.  As a gay man, I hear that we are the sexually promiscuous ones, the ones who sleep around, the ones who die alone.  But all I am seeing from the straight friends is all that shit.  Most of the gay people I know don't just hop into bed with someone they met at the fraternity party they happen to be at that night.  No, that is left to the straight people.
So the next time I hear the shit, and the drama, I am going to laugh, and tell you to keep it in your pants, maybe you will be happier after about 6 months, when you realize that sex is not the only thing in the world.

I hope that I am pissing people off tonight.
I am all of a sudden.

Oh yeah. Lesbians have more drama than I could have ever imagined.
Just saying.

I don't know what to say people.  I want to talk about sooooo much more, but like I said before, I do not know where to start.....or continue. lol


Thursday, June 10, 2010

So So Sorry...!

I haven't been able to get on my laptop because the internet I connect to has not been coming in real well, I am really sorry for not being able to post. I am going to try in the next couple of days, even if it takes typing it out first, than copy and paste. lol

He makes me Smile!!!!!


Monday, May 24, 2010

just wanting to rant, and the such....

"If you see him, tell him I wish him well.  How am I doing? Well sometimes it's hard to tell, I still miss him more than ever, but please don't say a word, if you see him, oh if you see him"
~If You See Him/If You See Her, Reba McEntire with Brooks and Dunn~

I had a dream last night about a couple people in my life, some of them very important, some of them I have always known will be passing through.

Lately, especially when I am drinking, my mind stops registering everything else except for the emotions I am feeling, the stronger they are, the stronger I remember them.  Maybe my subconscious mind is trying to tell me I need to feel more, to stop pushing things aside.  Maybe I need to confront a couple of things that I am not looking to come close to yet....

In my dream, I felt happy.  The kind of happy that I have not really felt in a while.  I am not saying that I am not happy now, but this was a different happy, an amazing, once in a lifetime happy.  I remember someone, I remember their heartbeat, or mine....ours?  I guess I will have to wait and see if it comes true.  In the mean time, I want to address this thing, this "love" that everyone keeps "falling" into.

First, I want to say, I believe that you can fall into love, just as you can fall out of love.  While it is meant to be, and should be, for a lifetime, not all love is created equal, and in life as we change and as the people we interact with change, the love that was once there must thus change also.
Second, I want to say that anyone who thinks they are in love after any shorter of a period than at the very least a year...A YEAR!!!!....is foolish and asking for heartbreak.  I believe that "love", and "in love" are two very different things, and it is all to easy to confuse them.

I wouldn't mind to keep going on this subject, but well, love is just a little boring to me right now.

I also want to send out a FUCK YOU to all you assholes, and bitches, who go to a grocery store, and think that you can treat the employees like they are the earth that you walk on.... Guess what...You are the shit of the earth if you think that you are any better than anyone else.  These people are giving you time out of their days to come into work, and put up with your bullshit day in and day out. What the fuck are you doing to make their day better, because they are stocking everything you are looking at, they are getting the carts that you use, they are asking you if you need help, they are caring about you, not only as a customer, but as a human being, they are ringing you up, and dealing with your bullshit, and they are bagging your groceries.  
So, what they hell are you doing for them?
Just saying, if you are having a bad day, or something just isn't going right in your life, do not come to the store that day thinking it is o.k. to treat the employees like your personal punching bags.  You are not that important, and someday, you are going to do it to the wrong employee, and they are going to snap.  Have you ever had to deal with an angry blue collar worker?  It is not pretty, and we will fuck your shit up.

One more thing, when I am walking, do not, I will repeat, DO NOT! think you are hard when you yell out your window at me.  I can not hear you with my headphones in, so it is useless to try and offend me.  Also, it makes you the Pussy Boy, hiding in your car.  Get out, and give me a reason to kick your ass, because I don't think your hard, I think your a power bottom looking for the fantastic top that is me. 

Relationships need to take a lot longer in life, than a couple weeks, with an expiration soon after its start.
Don't play games in a relationship, and don't lie.  If you say you like someone for any period of time, and the moment you are through say that you never felt anything, you are fooling yourself, and only fucking yourself over.  That lie right there makes you about 100 times easier to get over.

Alright, getting off my little tangents.  I am super pumped for the next couple of months.  I am going to be working on a couple things, that I am hoping will help me out, if not immediately, in the long run.  I have a couple surprises for some people also, but I have to wait till I have a little more money on my hands.

One last thing, I keep lying to the most important person in my life, ME!, and so far it has done me well.
I am avoiding talking to certain people in my life, trying to see if I was foolish or not for like them.  I keep telling myself that I don't think about them, and it actually works, but one of their birthdays is coming up, and I want to send them flowers.  Unfortunately, as far as I know they don't think about me, and I do not want to be the only one to care about someone.  I want there to be a mutuality to the relationships that I ever have, and I am not trying to waste my time getting all caught up on someone who will never be caught up on me.

Anyways, I think that I am talking to much, and I just wanted to make small rants.  I guess if you are reading this though you care about my life, and my happenings, and maybe, you care about me.

Goodnight my friends,


Monday, May 10, 2010

I feel like Letter Three

"Hoping to find a friend and a lover, God bless the day I discover, another heart, looking for love"
~Looking for Love~ Waylon Jennings

Just an update before I give you Letter Three.

Working a lot for minimum wage is not worth it, I can still barely start to pay any bills.  I know that this is super repetitive, seeing as I talk about it all the time, but I seriously think about working with my old job every single day of my life.
Went to a somewhat local zoo, one I had never been to before, but have always heard great reviews about.  I think that having worked for one, even though I have never been to the park I worked for as an employee, I was far from impressed.  My friend Katie, who I went with and was an employee at the park we worked for, also pointed out more things that I would not have noticed as readily.  The one thing that upset me the most was it looked as though these animals do when their will is broken.  The one spider monkey they had was lethargic, and had moved about 4 feet upwards the entire time we were there.  It was seriously the one thing that has stuck in my mind the most.  I worked closely with a spider monkey while I was touring, and I can remember not a single moment that he was ever lethargic.  Three months.  That was how long I worked, which may not seem like very long at all, but imagine being with an animal every moment, every day.  It adds up.
These animals at this zoo, they looked closer to death than I have ever wanted to see.  Their eyes had shown they gave up living, and were only existing till their bodies gave in.
Now, not all was bad at this park, their enclosures for the most part were super spacious, and they had a great variety of animals.  The animals that are of a domesticated type seemed happy, I even made a new goat friend I named Billeh.(Get it Billy. Lol)  The family's that were there visiting seemed happy, and the children were so excited to see all the animals.  I am glad there is a chance for them so close to home.  I think with a little work, this park could be much better, but my disappointment stems from previous work with a rescue organization.  I am thinking that soon, I am at least going to go and talk to the people who run the zoo, see if they have any plans to work on, and maintain their zoo a bit better in my opinion.

Ok, I want to type you guys letter three.  This one is about my first kiss...I hope you enjoy.

Dear Teacher(no not like school or college),

I remember seeing you the week that I moved into the First Street Residence Hall at the University of Michigan - Flint.  It was going to happen sooner or later, you were employed by the university, and were living in the hall.  That is all I am going to say about your personal life, I know people know who you are, but I want to let you have your privacy.
We talked here and there, over the time leading up to our meeting.  Maturity wise, I was not as far as I am now, and you were, at least what I thought, more mature than me.  I think that was the biggest thing that attracted me to you.  You were older than me, and in ways, more mature than me, but not so far to be a boring person.  And you had amazing eyes....
One night, I was in a friends room, talking to you on the computer, and our conversation turned to a more personal chat.  I started showing my innocence, talking about how little I had done, and how I was trying to find someone to learn from, while doing a little bit more.  I kind of played up to the fact you had said earlier you had been drinking.  Well, soon enough you were inviting me to your room, I had said I was looking to cuddle more than anything.
Fast forward about 10 minutes, and I am standing in your room.  Your bed is lofted on the right, opposite corner, a desk immediately to my right.  On my left is a keyboard, and I think to myself, wondering if you can play at all.  I decide it makes you about 2 times hotter just having it.
You were standing behind me, and you close the door as you turn the light off.  I walk to the ladder standing close to it, seeing the outline of your body as you slip your t-shirt over your head. The rustle of fabric falling to the floor as you slide your pants down and step out of them.  My heart starts beating a little faster, when I move to take my clothes off, I struggle a little bit with shirt.  Even though it is dark, and only outlines can be seen, I hurry up the ladder in my underwear, to lay down.  I am very self conscience and I don't want to risk you seeing my body.  I can see you coming up the ladder, and as you lie yourself down, my heart starts to race.  We kind of make a little small talk, and I admit that I have never really kissed anyone.  I feel kind of embarrassed, but you just smile and move closer.
The moment your lips come into contact with mine, my heart skips a beat, and flutters, and my body starts to shiver.  In my head I pray that you don't stop, and hope that you don't notice my body and the reactions to your touch.
You start to coach me in things that you have experienced, and things that you like, one kiss on the cheek, a little nibble of the ear, and suddenly we are making out, holding each other close.  I am almost positive that my body is going to burst.  Excitement has me aroused so much, and I can feel your arousal pressing against my leg just as much.
I decide to make this more than just kissing and cuddling, and move my body lower.  Kissing your chin, slowly tracing my fingers, following with my mouth to your bare chest.  I slide my fingers over the band of your boxer briefs, and slowly slip them down your legs, allowing you to pull your legs out one at a time.  Looking up your body, I am ready to start.

We saw each other a couple more nights after that, all of them quite amazing, and I don't think I slept much at all.  I know that every time, I was set on kissing.  The first time I ever did it, and though we don't really talk much anymore, I am reminded every time I kiss someone else that I was taught by you.  It was amazing, and I still don't think that what I have written has done justice to my feelings.

Thank You for my first kiss


This comic cracks me up, and I loved this one. Lol

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
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