Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads no where. Oh would it be a waste, even if I knew my place, should I leave it there"
~Adele, Chasing Pavements~
I never feel well these days...
I want to know if I am in a relationship. I feel like the boy I said that word to kind of played me, and I still can not figure out if I truly meant what I said, and if he truly meant it. I want to sit down and talk to him, but it may never happen. This is killing me.
Sunday night(Jan. 10) I decided to go and drink with my brother. Now, the people who know me know that I do not have a real brother, just a friend with whom I can honestly say I can share everything with.
Any ways, I went and chilled at his new house with my fifth of Burnetts watermelon vodka. It's so good to drink with raspberry soda. Any ways, we got totally trashed and I decided that I needed my tattoo touched up. Which is cool, because my brother is the person who did it in the first place. So we got that out of the way. As we were finishing up, it was going on about 7 in the morning so I had to be home. I had orientation at Mott Community College at 9, and didn't really want to miss it. So my brothers girlfriend got out of bed, and drove me home. Mind you, I am still drunk as hell. I get in the shower, get dressed, and head downtown to where the campus is. I sat through about 3 hours of listening to this lady talk about the college, and figure out how to use her computer to show us her powerpoint. I could have helped.
I sat through all this just to find out that I can not get into any classes until the spring, summer, or fall semester because this winter semester is full. So I kind of feel like I went to an orientation drunk for nothing. Oh well.
I spent the rest of monday on the UofM - Flint campus, just hanging out. Having not slept at all, and being drunk, I decided to sleep at about 7 that night. I only slept till about 10, because the straight guy that has been talking to me wanted to talk, and send pics. I feel bad that I am talking to him like this, because I know his girlfriend, and I really like her. But I can't stop. As long as I don't try and do anything with him physically, I can handle this.
Tuesday, I spent all day on campus again. I feel like I should not be there anymore. When I left, I think that things changed. It feels like I am a visitor in a place I once called home. Of course that is how I feel everywhere I am at. I mean, I am still living out of my suitcase at home.
I also feel like my friends changed. I missed a lot of events in their lives, and they missed a lot in mine, and I kind of feel like an observer in life now. Sometimes, I even feel like I have alienated them from myself, but all I have ever done is try and be there for them, even when they weren't there for me. I have even felt like they feel they can not talk to me anymore. It kind of sucks.
There is so much more that I want to talk about on here, but I try not to ramble to much. I just want to leave everyone with a clip from the Golden Girls which I feel should be shown to everyone.