"And, I know that it's complicated, but I'm a loser in love, so baby, raise a glass, to mend all the broken hearts, with all my wrecked up friends"
Ok. So I am totally writing Letter two right now, but while I am, I want to talk about something else so I thought I would write a different post right now. I guess I have a couple things that are really bugging me and I want to get them off my chest.
The first is that, and I am not naming any names, and in fact, I am not going to talk about it to much, but I have met a goal on my bucket list that I have been trying to get for a quite some time. It was pretty awesome, and as much as I want to tell a few people about it, I am just going to keep it to myself. I have to keep some secrets, or what fun would it be to find someone I can tell everything to?
Second, I have broke the law a bit over the last two days, but doing it gave me a chance to think about things that I have been putting off. Sometimes, even when I am thinking, I hide from certain things, and this helped me face them a little. I am not going to say what I did, or what I thought about, but I think that I have really been avoiding too much. I really haven't been wanting to confront the things that are going to hurt.
Third, This one has really been bugging me. Especially these last couple days. Two of my best friends, and two people I trust very much are having a bit of dispute and I think it is getting kind of childish. I have watch this thing come into life, I have watched it growing bigger, and I have recently seen it rear its big ugly head.
One of my friends, we will call her Beetle met a girl, we will call her Jane, around the same time that I came home, and soon after they started to date. I was pumped for her in all honesty. Unfortunately, my friend wound up with a broken heart, and this girl, as she has told me, only wants to be friends. Well, I have been watching this girl play with Beetles heart, and go after another one of my friends, we will call Iron, and I am starting to get sick of it. She is tearing apart a good friendship, and has absolutely no remorse for it. Oh yeah, she is still in high school. I guess that says a lot....
At a party in the recent past, we were all there, a couple of things happened that I am slightly disappointed in.
Jane and Iron ended up going outside, because Jane had been telling Iron a lot of things, and talking about a lot between her and Beetle, and I am not sure all that happened outside, but I know that they ended up kissing, and that was the end. When they came back in, Iron said she needed to talk to me about something, and that was it, I knew we would talk the next day, when we weren't surrounded by people.
Well, i guess that Jane here, has told Beetle that Iron was going after her, and that she has making moves at her behind Beetle's back.
That, I know for a fact, is a fucked up lie. Iron has not, would not, and will never want Jane like that. She has told me everything that has been going on with it, and I have been reading all the texts on how she has talked to her, and talked shit about Beetle also.
It hurts me to see my friends being played by someone who Beetle "loves" and has only been in our lives for a short while. I think that something is seriously fucked up when you don't trust someone who has been there for you for years, and has not ever, EVER, given you a reason to not trust them....
You know you feel betrayed, but it is fucked up that you will not even believe the one person who has seen you leap into relationships, and fall hard when they ended. She did not betray you, the one you think that you have "fallen in love" with is the one that is toying with your heart, and fucking with your head, and talking more shit than you will know about you.
I love you, but open your eyes. And I hope you get pissed reading this, because I have been reading your blogs, and following your life, and hoping that you won't keep getting hurt. You don't want any advice anymore, which is a big reason I don't tell you shit, but you also need to know I don't tell your secrets either. You said something a couple days that I really felt hurt by, and I just smiled and changed the subject. You are hurting your friends, and it is only getting worse. I trust you, and I wish you would take time to trust me, but you, I am not sure why, don't, or at least you don't act like it.
I have turned this into a rant, and I did not want to.
I have also gone off on someone that I did not want to. I love them very much, but I don't want them to be hurt, and I don't want any of our other friends to be hurt either. I would love to say this in person, but I don't get anytime with them to talk anymore....
Thanks guys, and Letter Two is for real almost done. I have passed my writers block, and I will post it soon.