"If you see him, tell him I wish him well. How am I doing? Well sometimes it's hard to tell, I still miss him more than ever, but please don't say a word, if you see him, oh if you see him"
~If You See Him/If You See Her, Reba McEntire with Brooks and Dunn~
I had a dream last night about a couple people in my life, some of them very important, some of them I have always known will be passing through.
Lately, especially when I am drinking, my mind stops registering everything else except for the emotions I am feeling, the stronger they are, the stronger I remember them. Maybe my subconscious mind is trying to tell me I need to feel more, to stop pushing things aside. Maybe I need to confront a couple of things that I am not looking to come close to yet....
In my dream, I felt happy. The kind of happy that I have not really felt in a while. I am not saying that I am not happy now, but this was a different happy, an amazing, once in a lifetime happy. I remember someone, I remember their heartbeat, or mine....ours? I guess I will have to wait and see if it comes true. In the mean time, I want to address this thing, this "love" that everyone keeps "falling" into.
First, I want to say, I believe that you can fall into love, just as you can fall out of love. While it is meant to be, and should be, for a lifetime, not all love is created equal, and in life as we change and as the people we interact with change, the love that was once there must thus change also.
Second, I want to say that anyone who thinks they are in love after any shorter of a period than at the very least a year...A YEAR!!!!....is foolish and asking for heartbreak. I believe that "love", and "in love" are two very different things, and it is all to easy to confuse them.
I wouldn't mind to keep going on this subject, but well, love is just a little boring to me right now.
I also want to send out a FUCK YOU to all you assholes, and bitches, who go to a grocery store, and think that you can treat the employees like they are the earth that you walk on.... Guess what...You are the shit of the earth if you think that you are any better than anyone else. These people are giving you time out of their days to come into work, and put up with your bullshit day in and day out. What the fuck are you doing to make their day better, because they are stocking everything you are looking at, they are getting the carts that you use, they are asking you if you need help, they are caring about you, not only as a customer, but as a human being, they are ringing you up, and dealing with your bullshit, and they are bagging your groceries.
So, what they hell are you doing for them?
Just saying, if you are having a bad day, or something just isn't going right in your life, do not come to the store that day thinking it is o.k. to treat the employees like your personal punching bags. You are not that important, and someday, you are going to do it to the wrong employee, and they are going to snap. Have you ever had to deal with an angry blue collar worker? It is not pretty, and we will fuck your shit up.
One more thing, when I am walking, do not, I will repeat, DO NOT! think you are hard when you yell out your window at me. I can not hear you with my headphones in, so it is useless to try and offend me. Also, it makes you the Pussy Boy, hiding in your car. Get out, and give me a reason to kick your ass, because I don't think your hard, I think your a power bottom looking for the fantastic top that is me.
Relationships need to take a lot longer in life, than a couple weeks, with an expiration soon after its start.
Don't play games in a relationship, and don't lie. If you say you like someone for any period of time, and the moment you are through say that you never felt anything, you are fooling yourself, and only fucking yourself over. That lie right there makes you about 100 times easier to get over.
Alright, getting off my little tangents. I am super pumped for the next couple of months. I am going to be working on a couple things, that I am hoping will help me out, if not immediately, in the long run. I have a couple surprises for some people also, but I have to wait till I have a little more money on my hands.
One last thing, I keep lying to the most important person in my life, ME!, and so far it has done me well.
I am avoiding talking to certain people in my life, trying to see if I was foolish or not for like them. I keep telling myself that I don't think about them, and it actually works, but one of their birthdays is coming up, and I want to send them flowers. Unfortunately, as far as I know they don't think about me, and I do not want to be the only one to care about someone. I want there to be a mutuality to the relationships that I ever have, and I am not trying to waste my time getting all caught up on someone who will never be caught up on me.
Anyways, I think that I am talking to much, and I just wanted to make small rants. I guess if you are reading this though you care about my life, and my happenings, and maybe, you care about me.
Goodnight my friends,